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When I asked Wiz what she thought of the idea of me keeping a journal to chronicle this "excellent adventure" of mine, she thought it was a good idea. I had never done anything like this before, but I thought it might be fun.

I didn't have time to find an actual "journal" before I went into the hospital, so I made sure that I took a notebook and a pen so I could commit my thoughts t paper. Well......it turns out that I never felt like writing anything while I was actually in the hospital, so these first few entries are re-creations of what was going on....

January 31...
This is the big day..I am both excited and scared to death. We had dinner yesterday, I got two of my favorites, fried chicken and macaroni and cheese, as sort of a "last meal", and Brenda made a fabulous carrot cake for dessert.

I didn't want the occasion to turn into something morbid, but I did get to see almost everyone in the family, and let them all know I love them...just in case. As they come to wheel me into surgery, I am surprised that I am not more scared than I am...in fact, my blood pressure was the lowest it has been in a long time...see you on the other side.....

February 1 and 2...
OOWW!!!Son of a B*TCH!!! This HURTS!!! Why didn't someone f**king tell me it was gonna hurt this f**king bad?!?!

February 3...
Actually, the real bad pain was Monday afternoon and evening (Jan 31). Tuesday and Wednesday I was up and roaming the halls quite a bit. Well, maybe not quite a bit by normal standards, but to me it felt like I was doing marathons. Today, I am getting around well enough that I get to go home.

February 4-11...
I am not going to bore you with details of all those days in between, they were all pretty much the same day. Get up, eat, walk, watch tv, chat, walk, talk on the phone, eat, walk, etc., etc. I am on a clear liquid diet, so my meals are fabulous!!! I am most thankful for my family and friends...their support through this means a great deal to me. Now that we are all caught up, I will try to make regular entries here. I can't make any promises, in the past I have always been kind of a slacker, so this may be the last entry...you never know unless you come back. Aloha.

February 12...
This has been strange to deal with...when you're used to eating anything you want anytime you want, a clear liquid diet just doesn't cut it sometimes.

The weird thing is, I am not sure I am even really hungry when I think I am. I think (and this was backed up by someone who has been through it) that it is just that, my mind is telling me to eat because I AM used to eating all the time. And, of course, it doesn't help when I turn a magazine page and see an awesome piece of chocoloate cheesecake staring at me.....

On a personal note...this is my mom and dad's wedding anniversary...my dad has been gone 12 years and when this day rolls around I am still never sure if I should say anything to her....

February 14...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day!! Even more important, it's weigh-in day for me. I lost a little over 6 and a half pounds, bringing the grand total to almost 15 pounds in 2 weeks!! Part of me is a little disappointed that I am not losing faster, but if I am being completely honest, I COULD be doing more walking than I am. I am averaging about a mile a day, but I also do a lot of sitting around still...

February 15...
I had a follow up visit with the doctor today, at least I thought it was going to be with the doctor. It turned out to be just the nurse...I guess they only involve the doctor if something out of the ordinary is happening. She said I was doing great, and everything was looking good so far.

I was really pleased with my 15 pound loss, until I heard one lady say she had lost 35 in the same amount of time...that disappointed me a little. I just have to remember that not every one is the same, and it will come off eventually. I just need to do my part.

February 16...
One of the things I have had to think about in doing this is how personal to be...I don't think I am ready to be too personal, I'm sure you're all terribly disappointed... The big event today....I am now allowed what they call "whole" liquids...I can add in milk, pudding, a couple other things. I had some V-8, and I really love V-8, so it was a good day.

February 17...
I am going to a support group meeting tonight, for people that have had the surgery. It is nice talking with people who have had the surgery, but the speakers/programs leave a little something to be desired. The last one talked about laser surgery to remove scars....scars are among the least of my problems, even with this 14 incher I have running down the middle of my gut now.

February 18...
Well, the support group meeting was OK. They had a fashion show, with people that have had the operation as models. The clothes were nice enough, I guess, but a little pricey for me. My friend Karen pointed out that it was kind of a waste, having these "big" clothes modeled, because everyone is going to have to buy smaller clothes as they lose weight.

The discussion part of the evening was interesting, about how some of the local restaurants deal with people that have had the surgery, people that no longer have the need to order a full meal. Most places will let people order a kid's plate, or share a plate with their spouse, but we learned about one that doesn't seem to want to do that...greedy bastards!!..lol

February 19...
I neglected to mention, I weighed again before the support meeting, I have lost 17 pounds now, so right now I am losing about a pound a day. I hope I can maintain that pace for awhile.

When I was at the doctor's office Tuesday, they went over everyone's diet. I was amazed at the things some of the people wanted to eat already. They are all supposedly at the same stage I am, which means a "whole" liquid diet...clear liquid with the addition of milk, pudding, a couple other things... People were asking when they could eat ice cream, or milkshakes, or meat, it just blew me away. I have had a couple of cravings, but I would be afraid to even TRY to eat something I am not supposed to, especially after going though all the pain of such a drastic step as having surgery. Maybe they had lobotomies, too..lol.

February 21...
Weigh-in Monday again....I've lost 20 pounds in 3 weeks. I am pretty happy with that, considering I haven't been walking much the last few days. I'm not really sure why, I guess it's my old buddy laziness kicking in.

Me and Alice (my mother) went over to my bro's house to play Trivial Pursuit last night. Once again, I whupped ass...I am one trivial dude..lol. The night got a little heavy toward the end. We got started talking about feelings and stuff...pretty unusual for my family. Not sure yet whether I liked this new development..lol.

February 25...
Wiz asked me if my clothes have started to feel any different yet. I told her it was hard to say, because I wear baggy sweats all the time, anyway. Well, a couple people have commented that they seem baggier than usual, so I guess there IS starting to be a change. YAY!!!

February 28...
What an awesome day!!! I got on the scale today and discovered that I weighed 15 pounds less than I did last Monday!! I have lost 35 pounds in 4 weeks...if something like that doesn't make you happy, nothing will :-D

Wiz wanted to know if I can see a difference yet...well, I can't, but other people have started to notice it. I am now at the lowest weight I can remember being in the last almost ten years...not that I am going to say how much that is...

February 29...
Hey, it's Leap day!!! Big fucking deal, it's just another day. I know, how could I be in a bad mood? The weight is coming off pretty good, and I am very happy and proud of myself about that. Physically, I feel pretty good. Mentally, however....things are a little confusing. I won't go into it, I wouldn't even really know where to start. The doctor said that the operation can affect your hormones, so maybe that's it. I will assume so, anyway, and maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

March 1...
Well, I don't know about March coming in like a lion, but it is kind of a dreary day here in my part of the midwest (corn country, according to Karen). Some of you who know me well might have expected me to make some other reference to coming, but, while I might have been thinking along those lines, I'm not going to say it..lol.

I've decided one of the problems with keeping a journal like this is...I really don't have a lot to say. Oh, if I wanted to really spill my guts and let ALL of my personal stuff out, I could write for days and days. I don't know how entertaining it would be, but, how entertaining is it now? Give me some feedback... e-mail me at nortonsavage@yahoo.com Thanks!!

March 2...
I went and weighed again today. I planned on just doing that once a week, but sometimes I get paranoid, and have to go in the middle of the week...I lost 3 more pounds, so as usual, I was worrying for nothing...

I took a good look in the mirror today, and comparing it to the pic you see on this page, yes, I can see some difference. And, if I may say so, I am one handsome devil..lol.

March 5...
I have had a pretty eventful couple of days, for me...
Friday night, I went bowling with Brenda. It's the first time I have been bowling in at least 10 years, I would say. It was a lot of fun, even though I got my ass kicked 2 out of the 3 games we bowled..lol. I didn't remember bowling being such a workout, though...
Saturday, I played putt putt golf with my mom and brother..I won at that, so I was able to maintain my manly pride..lol.

Sunday..well, Sunday was back to normal. I spent a good bit of time chatting. It would have been a beautiful day to hang out in the park or something, but Brenda was busy, and I am not into doing something like that alone.

March 6...
What an awesome day!! It started out good, I went and weighed in nice and early. I lost 11 pounds last week, for a total of 46 all together, so right away I was pretty happy.

After that, I got to hang around for a couple hours listening to some great music at ear-bleed volume, then it was such a great day outside that I went for a long walk in the park. I wish every day could be like this..lol.

March 8...
Today is the birthday of a very good friend of mine...Happy Birthday, Karen!!!! Remember, you're not getting older, you're getting better. Yes, that was better, not bitter..lol. (Oh, and beautiful as always)
Going to be kind of busy this week...I am playing bass for a local high school production of Cinderella. I am a whore..I am mainly doing it for the money, although it looks like I am going to have to use the money to buy a new battery for my car...big bummer:-(

March 9...
Today is the birthday of another friend of mine, so Happy Birthday, Soda!!! Thanks for all your friendship and support, I hope you had/have a great day.

I had sort of an adventure yesterday, I got it in my mind that I was going to walk home from the computer lab. Well, I sort of under-estimated the distance and over-estimated my fitness level..lol. I did make it a mile, though, which turns out to be about a third of
the way...I just need to work up to it, I guess. I am "building my stamina", according to Soda...that's the kind of positive spin I can usually count on from her...

I want to take a minute to thank all my friends for their support and encouragement. I wouldn't want to attempt to try to mention you all because I KNOW(being the supreme potato head that I am)that I would leave someone out. It means a lot to me to have you all in my corner...thank you great big bunches.

March 10...
Wow...3 days in a row, birthdays for friends of mine. Karen says I must have a thing for Pisces women. Today, it's Amanda, from the land down under. Happy Birthday, Amanda!! I hope you have a great one, and that all is going well at school.(Jeez, I wish I was 19 again.....)

I've been rehearsing all week for a musical that one of the local high schools is putting on. They're doing Cinderella. Mostly, I am doing it for the money, although sometimes these shows can turn out to be fun. At least so far, that hasn't been the case with this
one. We don't have a drummer, and even worse, there aren't any real cute girls in the cast..lol. If I were a better bass player, it wouldn't matter, but it is strange for me not to have a solid beat to play off of, and it also puts more pressure on me to keep the tempo for the songs.

Oh well, it could be worse...I could have had gastric bypass surgery and not be able to eat any of the things that I know and like and want oh so bad(like fried chicken..lol). Wait a minute, I did that, too!! If I can survive that, I guess I can out up with a bunch of whiny teenagers and crappy music and a little pressure..lol.

March 11...
Yesterday, was kind of an up and down day. Since the "down" part was something a little more personal than I want to get in to, let's focus on the "up"...

Tonight was the opening performance of Cinderella. The show went surprisingly well, considering how some of the rehearsals were, so that was a big relief.
The best part, though, was my pants. I wore my black dress pants, which I haven't worn since about the middle of December. It's a good thing I had suspenders to hold them up, because I had about 4 extra inches around the waist. So, it ended up being a pretty good day.

March 13...
A pretty uneventful weekend. Cinderella is over(thank God), now all I have to do is sit back and wait for the money to roll in..lol. It wasn't that bad, really, I guess...I am sure there are a lot more painful ways to make some money. ***special note*** A sign that I
am definitely getting old - Ted Nugent and Kiss, two of my favorites, were on VH-1 Saturday night. Vh-1...MTV for yuppies...what is the world coming to?

Sunday, I went to church, then we went out to eat...it is harder now sometimes to sit and watch people eat all the things I can't have. I thought that after 6 weeks I would be getting over wanting stuff so much, but I'm not. I just have to be strong...and walk,
walk, walk..lol.

Monday, I weighed again...only lost 6 pounds last week. I was really bummed at first, but I know I have to try to stay positive. At least it was 6 more steps in the right direction. It makes me feel better sometimes to look more at the big picture...before I had this done, I couldn't walk 10 feet without getting out of breath. Now, I can walk a quarter of a mile (or more) before I have to rest...that's quite an improvement, and it is only going to get better.

March 14...
I feel good today...tired, but it's a good tired. I walked a mile this morning, before I went to the computer lab, and I will walk some more this evening. My legs and back are really stiff, though...I have to see the dr. Thursday, I'm going to ask how soon it will be before I can get my bro-in-law (the chiropractor) to work on me.

Went to jam yesterday with my friend Dave. Dave and I used to be in a band together, but we haven't played much lately. That's mostly my fault, I have been pre-occupied with other things, and then after the surgery I wasn't allowed to lift anything heavier than 10 pounds. Still not supposed to, but since I have already been carrying and playing my bass and I am not dead, I didn't think it would hurt..lol.

March 15...
Beautiful day here in corn country...once again, I went for an early morning walk, at the park. One of the things I am not sure I like about walking (besides the actual walking itself..lol), is that being out there walking alone in the quiet gives me an awful lot of time to think.

I try to think positive thoughts mostly..that is the kind of person I am working towards being...and a lot of them are...I was thinking how it is nice getting a smile and a hello from people you don't even know, and returning that smile, for instance.

They are not all good, though...I was also thinking today, "Would anyone really miss me if I wasn't around?" I would like to think so...but I am not sure.
Well, my family would, but have I made an impression with anyone else?

March 16...
It was sprinkling today, so I was faced with the rather dreary prospect of walking at the mall. I hate to walk at the mall, there are too many people there for one thing. Another thing is everyone has a different opinion of how many times you have to go
around to make a mile.

Luckily, I passed by the track of the local high school and saw 2 people walking there, so I just decided to say "damn, the rain, full speed ahead". Besides, that way I would know exactly how far I walked instead of just guesstimating, although when I have said before that I walked a mile, I am pretty sure that was a fairly close estimate.

The big thing is, I did the mile (exactly a mile) without stopping!!! Just 6 weeks ago, I couldn't walk to the bathroom without getting out of breath...it just blows me away. When I DO have to stop and rest now, it is usually not from being out of breath, but
because my back or my legs hurt...I don't ever really get to gasping for breath unless I am walking uphill or going up stairs. I think that is an amazing improvement, and it will get better.

March 20...
OK, first of all, I am sorry for the passage of so much time between entries...I believe I mentioned before that I am a slacker...if not, then take note of It now, please..lol. All righty, then...time to get caught up....

Thursday night was support group night, so as usual I weighed myself just before so I could give the most updated number...I had went down 6 pounds since Monday! The meeting itself was semi-interesting, they had a chef there to give us tips on how to make low fat, low calorie dishes. He was fairly entertaining, but he didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know from the many cooking shows I watch.

I also had my 6 week post-op visit w/ the doctor on Thursday. He is very pleased with my progress(so am I!!)...the only area that hasn't shown a major improvement is my blood pressure, it hasn't really started to come down yet, but it is expected that it will.

Friday night, I lost 2 out of 3 games of pool to Brenda...it is such a good thing that I am secure in my manhood, since she has beaten me at just about severything we do..lol.

Sunday, we went to church, as usual, and then out to eat(also as usual).**special note for the squeamish: the following part may be a little gross** I had a salad for a change...it was delicious!! Unfortunately, it came back up, which means I am either not ready yet for salad, or I just ate too fast, which is the explanation I am leaning towards. It was great tasting the cheese and tomatoes and ranch dressing, though!!

Monday, weigh in day again...I have to admit, I was a little concerned, mainly because I didn't walk much Sunday. Great news, though...I lost 9 more pounds since Thursday, giving me a grand total of 67 pounds lost in 7 weeks!!!

March 21...
Today is my younger bro's birthday, so even though he will almost surely never see this, Happy Birthday, Matt!! You know, sometimes I wonder if anybody is even reading this, so it is nice to find out from people that they are.

My mom's best friend (and my friend)Marsha sent me an e-mail today...she recently moved away, and she said that sometimes reading this makes her feel less homesick. So, hi, Marsha!!!!! We all miss you up here, and here's hoping we get a chance to see you real soon!! As far as my life, not much going on there today..lol. So, as the saying goes, "Peace!! I'm out."

March 23...
Tuesday and Wednesday were kind of rough. Every time I ate, I threw up. I was a little concerned, because that is a symptom of the stoma needing to be dilated.
The stoma is the opening that goes from the stomach to the intestine...as scar tissue forms, it can sometimes cause the stoma to contract to a size too small for things to pass through. They have to put a balloon in there and blow it up to dilate the opening.

Anyway, it must have just been a bug or something, because I ate some soup last night and kept it down with no problem. It's something I am going to keep an
eye on, though. I did find out it was probably too soon for me to try to eat salad...I guess I will stick to cream soups for a while longer.

March 24...
A friend of mine came over to take some pics for me yesterday. I promised Maria I would send new pics when I got under 400 pounds. Yes, I can say it now, I weighed waaaaay over 400 pounds(472 at the time of the surgery, as a matter of fact)...but that is all behind me. I am well on the way to becoming the lean, mean sex machine I have always dreamed of being..lol.

Anyway, my friend, Bud, said he had half expected to see my name in the obituaries by now. Kind of a sobering thought, but I knew exactly what he meant. I have been so fat for so long...I don't know why it took me so long to get motivated enough to really do something about it, but the important thing is, I have, and life is getting better and better.

Also, when I went to the computer lab last night, an old friend from some of my classes(hey, Jack!!!) was telling me how good I look and how great I am doing. You know...I did this for me, because I knew I had to do something or I was going to die, but it is sure nice to hear some positive comments from people.
All of my online friends have been great, and incredibly supportive, and so has my family and Brenda, but it's nice to hear something like that from
someone who doesn't have to say it, if that makes any sense... What the hell, I don't know what I am saying half the time..lol.

March 25...
I had a pretty interesting, and at times, intense evening Friday. I went to the bowling alley to shoot a couple games of pool(by myself), but when I got there, it just didn't seem to be all that thrilling a thing to do...I mean, I can play with myself any time(and I frequently do)..lol.

Anyway, I was restless and didn't want to sit around the house all night, which in itself is a big change for me. I decided to go to a little bar here in town called Buster's...I hadn't been there since my band The Knadz had played there, oh, maybe 8 years ago or so.(Go Knadz, go!!) I was hoping to run into my friends Bud and Vanessa...I have known them for a long time, since the heyday of The Knadz. They used to come to all of our gigs, but I hadn't seen them much lately.

Here's where it gets intense...I tapped Vanessa on the shoulder, and at first she didn't recognize me. When she did, her face lit up, and she jumped up and gave me one of the most amazing hugs I have ever had...she hugged me for what seemd an eternity, not that I wanted it to end..lol. She told me how worried they had been about me, and how glad she was that I was doing so well...she almost cried. I am glad she didn't, because that surely would have got me started crying, too...

We got caught up over the course of the evening, and a few Virgin Bloody Marys for me(you people that I chat with a lot know how appropriate a drink that is
for me..lol) because I can't have the alcohol yet. I found out that they read the journal, too(hey Bud and Vanessa!!), which is cool. I am always thrilled to find out people are reading it(thank you Karen, as well, and Maria, and Gina, and Becca, and Maggie...hell, thanks everybody..lol).

Oh yeah, there was sort of a fight, too, that was also kind of intense, but I would rather remember the good things.... Like Bud and Vanessa's daughter Amanda also not recognizing me, and the great hugs I got from Amanda and Vanessa(again) when it was time for me to go. They both said they love me, and that almost choked me up again, and sorry, Bud, but I think I almost touched Vanessa's butt...I'll have to make sure I am more careful next time..lol.

Sorry this is so long, it was just a great night... great company, some good tunes on the jukebox, and finding out how much someone cares about you...damn, maybe I will cry after all..lol.

March 27...
Yesterday was another good day. We had a cookout to celebrate Matt's birthday. It was a great day, the weather was beautiful and almost the whole family was there, plus a few friends.

Since it was a cookout, I just couldn't resist trying some of the food that was being passed around.
I had a couple of olives, a couple of real small potato chips, a couple of tortilla chips (he ate everything 2 by 2, as Soda said..) and I ate half of a burger w/cheese. Oh, it was so good!!! I had to throw the other half away, or I probably would have eaten the whole thing..l.

Of course, later, there were birthday cakes abounding. My mom made her usual german chocolate cake, which is my bro's favorite, Brenda made a carrot cake, which I have had before and is very good, and another friend brought an apple crisp pie from the church bake sale.
I didn't have any of those, I am still cautious about trying sugary things, due to something called "dumping syndrome"...I won't go into details, but it sounds like a pretty unpleasant thing.

Brenda made a dessert she got from Weight Watchers, though, some kind of chocolate-custard thingy(I can't remember what it was called)with graham crackers in it. It was delicious, too...thanks, Brenda.

March 28...
Not a lot going on yesterday(or today, so far). It's rainy and just altogether crappy here, I may be reduced to walking at the mall :-(

Some people have asked what my goal is...even though I would still be considered obese by all the normal standards, I would be damn glad to get down to 250 pounds, and see what happens from there.

In the short term, my goal is to reach 100 pounds lost by my birthday, which gives me two weeks almost. April 10 is my birthday (just a hint for all of you to send me a gift or card..lol). Even if I don't make it to that goal, I won't be too disappointed...every pound I
lose is a step in the right direction.

March 29...
I had to go to the doctor yesterday. I have been a little concerned because even though things are going great for the most part, my blood pressure hasn't come down much yet. The doctor changed my medication a little, but she agrees with the surgeon, that as I lose some more weight, it will eventually start to drop.

April 1...
Wow...I lost 40 pounds last week!!!! Gotcha!!! Happy April Fool's Day. I wish I could say I had lost that much and mean it..lol. Happy Birthday, Donnie!! (drummer for the now-defunct Knadz, and my current, but seemingly defunct judging by our lack of gigs band, The Mainstreet Exchange) Also, a late Happy Birthday to Maria's MaMa!!!

Let's see, what's going on...not very damn much. I have been kind of a slacker this week in the walking department, I'm not sure why. I just haven't had much motivation to get out and do it this week, and consequently I don't think I am going to be too damn happy come weigh-in Monday :-(

I may change my walking plan of attack. Instead of worrying about trying to walk a mile all at once without taking a break, I may try splitting things up into smaller walks and walk more often throughout the course of the day.

Had a cool day Thursday...Brenda is preparing to have the same surgery I had, and she had her pre-op tests Thursday. Then, her and her parents and me and Alice (my mom) went out to lunch. I had some steak!!!! It was chopped steak, but I'll take what I can get...

Then, we went to play miniature golf...as usual, I lost. Brenda's mom won the first game, and Brenda won the second...oh well, it's good that I have a lot of practice at being a loser..lol.

Friday was fun, it was poker night. I ate more things I probably shouldn't have(another reason I may not be too thrilled Monday), and although it is nice to experiment a little, they were things I can't make a habit of eating, like peanuts and other non-nutrititious snack-type foods. Had a couple drinks, too (strawberry-pina colada daiquiris, WOO-HOO!!!) On the down side, I lost about 20 bucks(bummer), but that's not a bad price for 7 or 8 hours of fun.
I'd like to take a moment to give a shout out to my poker-playing buddies....hey Bob, Bob Sr., Steve R., Keith, Mark, and Steve M.(my bro)!!! Whazzzzzuuup!!!!! Yo, yo, yo home skillets!!! (or, as Karen might say, fry pans!!)

April 3...
Today, I faced the dreaded scale. I lost 4.5 pounds last week. Considering I was back up a pound when I weighed Thursday, I'll take it. I'm not sure why, but I'm in kind of a blue mood today. I guess I'll get over it, I usually do.

April 4...
Brenda had her surgery today...she is in some pain, but she was resting comfortably when I left at 8 PM. All day long I have been having flashbacks to the day. I had my operation...I can honestly say, "I feel her pain"..lol

She was talking big before hand about how they were going to have to tie her to the bed to keep her from running the halls. That wasn't quite the reality, but I told her to be ready to get roaming tomorrow. She was quite the slave driver after I had my surgery, for
which I am grateful, and I hope I am up to the task of returning the favor..lol.

I am really glad she is ok...since I am her "inspiration", I would have felt terrible if something had happened to her. (I know, she is an adult and she knew the risks...I still would have felt somewhat responsible...so sue me....)

April 6...
Brenda got to go home today. I was a little concerned because she didn't seem to be doing too well with the breathing exercises you have to do after surgery. I guess she was doing well enough, though, that's the important thing. She is past the first stage, now all the hard work is up to her...

April 9....
Went to visit Brenda yesterday. She is looking better, and starting to get around some. We were going to walk around the block, but it was too cold to walk outside, we didn't want her to get sick.

Thinking about tomorrow, it's my birthday. Like just about everyone else, I guess, I get a little saddened by the realization that time is passing right on by... but, at the same time, I am in better shape than I was last year at this time, so I have to be happy about that :-)

April 10...
Today was a double whammy, weigh-in day AND my birthday. I lost 5 pounds last week, so my total is up to 88 pounds, I am happy about that. As for the birthday, well, I wish I could say it was a good day, but it really wasn't.

I haven't done much "walking just for the sake of walking" walking lately, so I thought today would be a good day to start again. I was hoping it would help me clear my head...from that perspective, it wasn't a success. It was good to get out and get some air, though...I even tacked on an extra lap at the track. I think I am going to stop here...I feel kind of out of it and like I am rambling (which is actually nothing new, for me..lol). To the people reading this, thanks for caring.

April 14...
Well, it has been a weird week. I have almost made it through without killing myself or someone else, though, so things are definitely looking up... I can't really explain what's been going on...I have just been thinking a lot about certain people in my life, past and present. And a lot of it is good...but some of it made me very sad, too. I think next year I am going to just avoid having a birthday, (feel free to still send presents, though...)

I got some really nice e-greetings (thank you Karen and Brenda and Kelly) and yesterday I got my first actual card, and a gift, too (thanks, Gina...you were much too kind to me..lol). Thanks everyone for caring. I am not always sure I deserve it.

April 15...
Just a reminder to everyone, I hope you all got your taxes filed..lol. **sings** Oh, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor... Awesome weather here the last couple days, and I took adavantage of it by doing quite a bit of walking. Friday night, I went out to the bar looking for my friends Bud and Vanessa again, but they were nowhere to be seen...so I came home and walked another mile. WOO-HOO!!!! Do I know how to party, or what?!?!

April 17...
I walked my ass off this weekend!! (Ahhh...if only that were true....the real scoop is, Marty still got plenty of back..lol). We had my birthday cookout yesterday, it was a lot of fun. I got some cool presents... Brenda got me a book about drawing I have been wanting, my mother-in-law and her husband got me some spiffy new sweats, and my bro and his wife got me money(that ALWAYS fits..lol), but the best thing was we were all together, even if I do feel somewhat like the black sheep of the family now.

Everyone seems to be getting heavy into religion, except me, so I felt a little out if place, especially since most of the talked seemed to center around that subject. I got some exciting news when I got home, though...Gina is coming to visit in May!!!

We have chatted for about a year and a half or so, online and on the phone, so it will be great to finally meet her in person(I would be lying if I said I am not a little nervous, too, but she has been a really great friend to be. I think it's going to be cool.) Karen said I should make sure I mentioned the mood I was in today, so...I am in a mood today....I have been for the last week or so. I thought it would be over by now, but I guess I was wrong. Maybe if I stay away from everyone and everything for a few days
(weeks, months, whatever it takes..lol), it will go away...

April 19...
I had another visit with the doctor yesterday...I got some really good news on a couple of fronts. My blood pressure was 130/82, the lowest I can ever remember it being. She cut my meds down again, and said that I could be off them all together in 6 months or so. She also had results of the bloodwork I had done...my potassium and kidney function tests came back good, and there was a test they give diabetics, the HBA1C, it's an average of your blood glucose for the past month or so...she said they like for it to be 7 or less, and mine was 5.5, which means(according to the doc)that my body is functioning basically like I am not diabetic. So, I thought that was really awesome!!. I just need to keep up the good work...I will be a lean, mean sex machine in no time....lmao!!!!!

April 20...
It looks like me and Alice are going to be moving, I think. If everything goes as planned, soon we will be trailer trash..lol. We are all surprised that Alice would actually even consider moving into a trailer, because bad weather scares the hell out of her, and
everyone knows God(and tornadoes) hate trailer parks..lol. She said when we looked at it, it felt like she was home, though, so keep your fingers crossed that things work out :-)

April 24...
Hey everyone. Happy Easter, a day late!! I hope everyone had a great day, whether you celebrate Easter or not. On with the show.....

Friday, I went down to Cincinatti and hung out with Brenda. We colored Easter eggs...you know, it wasn't as much fun for me as it was when I was 5 years old, but it was a surprisingly good time..lol. We made a visit to Kate, who has also had the surgery, back in August, I believe, and is doing wonderfully. Kate is a real Renaissance woman. She makes her own soaps and pot pourri, she grows her own herbs,(she doesn't have a big ol' TV dominating her living room like most of the people I know, but I won't hold that against her..lol) but the important thing is she is just a super nice lady.

She gave Brenda 4 bags of her old clothes to wear if she liked (I kept a few of the pairs of sweatpants...
I can't quite wear them yet, but it's only a matter of time...). Thanks, Kate. When we got back to Brenda's house, we walked a little and sat and talked for quite a bit...I had a real nice time.

Saturday wasn't quite so eventful...I walked a mile in the morning, went to the computer center and chatted for awhile, went home, was bored out of my f*%king skull, and went and walked 2 more miles..lol. WOO-HOO!! DAMN, I know how to have a good time...

Sunday was Easter, as everyone knows. I went to church, then had the option of going to my sister-in-law's brother's house for dinner, or staying home alone, because Alice was spending the day with my sister. So, I tagged along with bro and his wife, and got to eat some ham and turkey. It was cool, I didn't have any problems with i. I even had a very, very small piece (one bite, actually) of carrot cake.

Then, we played a women vs. the men (6 women againt 3 men) game of Trivial Pursuit that turned into a marathon...I think it took about 3 hours to finish the damn thing..lol. And the women WON!!!! GRRRRRR!!!! Oh well, it was still a good day..lol.

Monday was (duh-du-DUUUUHHHHHH!!!!!) weigh-in day. I lost 5 pounds again, giving me a total of 98 pounds in 12 weeks. Which means, hopefully by next Monday I will have hit 100 pounds and will have had to take a new pic. Later.

April 27...
I had hoped to have a new pic for posting today, but I only lost 1 of the 2 pounds I needed to, so we will have to wait until Monday to take a pic...which is ok, I still don't like being in front of the camera yet..lol.

I walked 3 miles yesterday, so I am kinda sore today. I am sort of in training...there is something coming up called Walk For Life, a 3 mile walk to raise money for something or other...I am not so much interested in the cause as I am just the motivation to walk 3 miles, and I don't want to get out there and have everybody waiting around for me to finish..lol.

It would be nice to raise some money for a good cause, though, so if any one out there wants to sponsor me, contact me at nortonsavage@yahoo.com (shameless plea for money)

May 1...
OK, first things first -- after a few weeks of losing 5 pounds a week, and coming out of last week's weigh-in needing 2 pounds to make it to 100, and it seeming to take forever, and thinking I was NEVER going to get there...I lost 6 pounds last week, for a total of 104!!! Hot damn!!! I am doing sooooo great!!! **pats himself on the back**

Let's see, the weekend...Saturday night, went to see 28 Days w/Brenda. The weather was great all weekend, so I wore shorts. I even went into the store...first time I have worn shorts out in public in a very long time..lol. And, oh yeah, the movie was pretty good.

Sunday, we hung out in the park for a while and then walked. I let Brenda set the pace, big mistake..lol. I figured since I had a month on her, I would have no trouble keeping up, but she almost walked me into the ground..lol. We also ate, both of us, twice, for less than $6 total...man, before I had the surgery, I could spend 8 bucks for one meal at McDonald's easy..lol.

I had her take a few pics of me in anticipation of hitting the 100 pound mark. I got her to take one of my butt, too, since she made the comment that it was getting smaller...thought I might as well keep track of THAT, too..lol.

May 2...
Things are moving right along for me and Alice in the journey to being trailer trash..lol. We got the title recorded today, all we need is the keys and we can start moving in. I hope we do better than I did today...in the process of moving stuff out, I fell down the steps..lol. I wasn't hurt, except for bruising my dignity and bending my glasses, and since I have no dignity, the glasses are the only problem..lol.

I did get some more good news from the doc, though, my blood pressure was 120/70. That's the lowest I can EVER remember it being. She cut my meds down again...maybe I really will be off the medication altogether some day...that would be great!!!

May 9...
Well, I haven't been much in a writing mood lately, but here goes...Saturday, I walked in the Walk for Life, a fund raiser for the Community Pregnancy Center. I would be lying if I said I cared anything about the cause, I just wanted an excuse to try and walk 3 miles. I did the whole distance without stopping, so I was very proud of myself.

Later that day, me and Alice went to a cookout at Brenda's house to celebrate Brenda's sister's birthday (Happy Birthday, Linda!!) Brenda hasn't been walking too much, but I persuaded her to go for a little walk with me, about a half mile. I told her I would give her a week or 2 to get used to working again, then I was going to start being a hard-ass about getting her to walk. She is doing well, weight-wise, she has lost 22 pounds. Keep up the great work, Brenda!

My own weigh-in day, well, I wasn't too damn happy about. I didn't lose anything last week, so I am still at 104 pounds lost. It is pretty discouraging to get on the scale after a week in which you felt you did just about everything you were supposed to and didn't lose anything, but...I know I have to realize that there are going to be weeks like that, and not let it get me down. At least I didn't gain anything, I should look at the bright side :-)

I had my brother stop by and buzz all my hair off, it's about 1/8 of an inch long now....I look like a fat Andre Agassi, which isn't a bad thing, women think he's hot..lol. Alice didn't even notice it until she saw all the hair that was formerly on my head lying on the porch.

May 17...
It's been a while since I put pen to paper for the journal, so, let's correct that, shall we? By the way, yes, I am too stupid to figure out what the computer age equivalent of "pen to paper" is, and I know it, so get off my freakin' back..lol.

Monday, as everyone knows, was weigh-in day. I didn't have my hopes up too high, because the week before I did my usual "walk 4 days" bit and I didn't lose anything...that was including the day I walked 3 miles, too..lol. So, it was very hard to motivate myself to walk last week...I didn't hardly do any. Anyway...I lost 6 pounds last week, 110 all together!! So, this week I am walking again, inhopes of keeping it going..lol.

A couple comments to specific people...Gina, I am so looking forward to your visit, mostly with great excitement and anticipation, but also with a little bit of fear, I have told you that..lol. Wiz, I am glad to hear your dad is improving...you and him are both
in my thoughts daily. You have been a wonderful friend to me, and I was so touched to find out he asks how I am doing. I bet he is a great guy, and I hope he is home soon :-)

May 22...
Wow...what a crappy fucking weekend. Friday was the anniversary of my dad's death, and I always get kinda bummed out around this time, up until after the end of the month, which is his birthday. There are other things, I won't bore you with all the details...let's
just say they involve what could be jokingly called my love life (or, more apropos, my lack of a love life).

I did get to have a little bit of fun, it was the final weekend of performances of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown!", a musical based on the Peanuts comic strip, a show I played bass for. It was one of the few shows I've done I have actually liked, I guess because I relate so much to Charlie Brown.

In particular, the scene where CB muses to himself about why the little red haired girl never looks at him ("She'd probably laugh in my face. It's hard on a face when it gets laughed in."). I can dig it, Chuck. The show also gave me a chance to work again with Bruce, who used to sing in the band I'm in...he did a real good job as Charlie Brown. I also have to give a special mention to the girl who played Lucy, a very cute, beautiful voiced college-freshman-aged-or-so young lady named Kristen. If only I were 15 years younger......she still wouldn't look at me, right Charlie Brown?..lol

I made it through the weekend, and I thought things were going to get a little better when I weighed in and I had lost 5 pounds last week (115!!!) Then I found out the reason I haven't heard from Brenda in over a week is that she ran off and got married.

OK....I know I don't have any room to bitch about it...after all, I was the one who only wanted to be friends. I guess I thought we would still be able to see each other casually for a while, and still be able to share those great hugs every once in a while (the hugs she always claimed to miss when we didn't see each other for a few days.)

Just not meant to be, I guess. I don't think she really intended to hurt me, but let's just say intentional or not, she got me back for any pain I caused her when I told her I just wanted to be friends. So, now that we're even, maybe we WILL be friends, if she wants to. I think it might be hard for me for awhile, but I'll get over it, and I hope she'll be happy with Howie. I really mean that, Brenda, you deserve to be happy. Jeez...I didn't know I was going to write a fucking book. Talk to y'all later.

May 31...
Today would have been my dad's 60th birthday. I could get all mushy and tell you what a great guy he was, and maybe someday I will. For now, let me just say, "I love you, Dad, Happy Birthday." In his honor, these are some words from his two favorite songs:

"Like a bird without a nest
Like a stranger in the night
And my soul cries out for rest
And the end is not in sight"
"The End Is Not In Sight" - The Amazing Rhythm Aces

"Someday, when we meet up yonder
We'll stroll hand in hand again
In a land that knows no parting
Blue eyes crying in the rain"
"Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain" - Willie Nelson

June 1...
I made it through yesterday... I had a couple moments where my eyes teared up and I got a little lump in my throat, but I didn't break down and start sobbing, so that's a good thing..lol.

I saw Trish again last night. I met Trish a few weeks ago, we get together once a week and walk. I always feel better afterwards, not just from having got some exercise(which I agree is a good thing..lol), but because I enjoy spending time with her.
She is a very sweet woman, very supportive and encouraging, and she seems to enjoy listening to me talk.

As you all may have guessed by now, even though I spend a lot of time proclaiming how shy I am, if I am with someone I feel comfortable with, I can ramble for a good long time about nothing important..lol.

We are in the last phases of cleaning up the old place...man, you can acquire a lot of shit over the course of 18 years..lol. Me and Alice have been staying in the trailer, but I won't officially consider us "trash" until we turn over the house keys to the landlord..lol.

June 5...
Today was the day....I lost 4 pounds last week, 122 all together. I weighed in at 350 right on the nose!!! So, as soon as I can get this new pic scanned, it will be winging it's way to be posted...

Saturday was my sister's birthday (Happy Birthday, Tracie!!) and my bro's anniversary (Happy Anniversary, Bill and Becky!!!) We won't be celebrating the birthday until next week, when Tracie gets back from her trip to S.Carolina (or N. Carolina, we never decided for sure which state Raleigh was in before she left... I hope the pilot knows..lol).

It was a pretty uneventful weekend, besides that. I did manage to make myself walk both days, something that has been increasingly harder to do, slacker bastard that I am. The only days I actually look forward to walking are my Wednesday nights with Trish. I wish I could find someone else to walk with.
I am meeting a woman tonight, I hope that goes well, although I must say she has already thrown the "f" word at me...friends..lol. No matter...I always say you can never have too many friends. OK, so I wasn't
the first to say it, big deal..lol.

June 6...
With all due respect to the veterans of WWII, the big one, yesterday was my D-Day...I got to meet another lady I have been chatting online with..lol. I must say, I don't get nearly as petrified as I used to. I was actually pretty calm last night, and it would have
been needless worry anyway...Pam turned out to be a very nice, sweet(and pretty) lady.

I was under the impression that it was her birthday (it actually turns out that today is, Happy Birthday, Pam!!!) and I wanted to surprise her with something. Not knowing her very well, I reasoned that no woman can resist flowers and chocolate, so I took her some
carnations and a Hershey bar..lol.

We hung out at a bar that my parents used to take us to every once in a while when I was a kid(how many other kids can say they used to go bar-hopping with their mom and dad?..lol), but I hadn't been there in about 15 years.

We sat and talked for a while, and drank, and kept drinking, and talking some, and drinking some more, and after the band started playing and some more drinking, I even danced with her..lol. I am sure that I was doing the epitome of the "dorky white guy" dance on the fast songs, and I am also sure that I stepped on her toes a few times during the slow ones(I have 3 left feet..lol), but I had a really good time, and I think she did, too.

June 12
First off, Happy Birthday, Maria!! Happy Birthday, Chuck!! Boy, I feel like a real 1st class bastard for forgetting about it, sorry. It was a fairly uneventful weekend(big surprise, huh?)

Thursday was pretty good, I met a lady named Donna. We may see each other again, which would be great, or not, which would be ok, too. She is not looking for a boyfriend at the moment, and I am not really looking for a girlfriend, yet...I want to be a slut for awhile..lol.

Not much else is going on. Me and Alice are pretty much officially trailer trash. All that's left is for the garage to be cleaned out at the old place, and some dude with a truck is working on that as I type...
I am going to go out and put some job applications in this week...it's going to be so weird if I get a job...I haven't worked in about 7 years, unless you count the 3 days I spent as a telemarketer, then it's only been 6 years..lol. Wish me luck!!

June 15...
Well, it turns out that I am not going to see Donna again, but, like I said, that's ok..lol. I want to clarify this whole "slut" thing, if I can. I guess that wasn't really the right way to put it, so I am going to give it another shot.

Most people do the "dating" thing when they are in their teens or early 20's. By the time they get to be my age, (now, I am making assumptions here, I don't know this for a fact..lol) presumably, they have a good idea what they are looking for in a life partner. I haven't had that opportunity...

I have only really dated 4 women, and the first was 1 date about 16 years ago, so that don't really count..lol. The second was only 1 date, too, but it lasted about 3 days...so I am not sure whether it counts or not..lol.

When I do settle down, I want it to be "the one". I don't want to be the kind of guy that winds up cheating on his wife...and the only way I know to
figure out what I want is to get out and date some different women. (Of course, this is assuming that I have the opportunity to date different women..lol.) I hope that makes some sort of sense to everyone, and that I am not just full of shit. You are welcome to e-mail me (nortonsavage@yahoo.com) and give me your take..lol.

Speaking of dating, though...I went out with Pam again. We did some more drinking and dancing, and had a real good time. I got to meet a couple of her friends, too...they were a little on the wild side, but not too wild..lol. I liked them. I think I managed to avoid stepping on Pam's toes this time, I forgot to ask her for sure. If I did, it was a step in the right direction..lol.

June 18...
If there are any fathers reading this, Happy Father's Day!!! I KNOW there are some daughters reading this (maybe some sons, too...honestly, most of the people that I am sure read on a regular basis are women...and I like it that way..lol), so tell your dads Marty says, "Happy Father's Day!!!" It doesn't matter that they don't know who the hell Marty is...

Happy Father's Day...that's one thing that at this point I think it is pretty safe to say I will never hear. Now, whether I would WANT to hear it someday is a matter that is still open for debate in my mind. I can honestly say I don't think I have the patience it would take to be a good father. I would probably be the poster boy for bad parenting..lol. ("Sure son, go
ahead and play in the street..." LOL) But still...I get a little misty-eyed at the idea of a little Marty running around..lol.

June 19...
I hope everyone had a good weekend. I forgot yesterday to talk about the cookout we had Saturday. It was a combined birthday party for Alice and Tracie(my sister). Happy Birthday, you two!!!!

I had a good time, especially playing basketball. Me and my younger brother(Matt)against my older brother(Bill)and my brother-in-law(George). So, there was a fat guy on each team, although Bill is not quite as big as I am... but if he keeps gaining, we will be even soon..lol. Matt is overweight, too, but not nearly as much. He just lost a bunch of weight on the Atkins diet.

I'm sure if anyone had been around to see, they would have gotten a big kick out of seeing me and Bill(me especially)trying to run around out there. I am sure I was stomping around the driveway with all the grace of a pregnant water buffalo..lol.

Details of the game...well, I don't really remember. I do know that me and Matt lost, 7-6, and I tried to stop George's game-winning dunk by putting my elbow in his face, but it didn't work..lol. Oh, well...like I said before, I am quite used to losing..lol. A good time was had by all, that's the important thing.

I weighed in Monday morning. I lost 3 more pounds last week, 128 altogether. 3 must be my magic number right now..lol. That's OK, as long as it keeps coming off.

June 20...
I thought I would take a few minutes to talk about some of the changes I have been going through. Good changes, from my point of view, and things that a normal person might take for granted...

Like, just being able to go somewhere, like a restaurant, and not be concerned with what kind of chairs they have. For so many years now, whenever we go out to eat someplace, I have had to make sure it was a place that had at some chairs available with no arms on them. My ass was just too big for me to sit in chairs like that, let alone think about being
comfortable sitting in them.

Even Dr. Fallang's office...he is the dr. that did my surgery. You would think that at an office where a good portion of the patients they deal with are "morbidly obese", they would have given some thought to the seating in the waiting room....but I was wrong..lol. The first time I went there, I could sit, but it was tight and I was by no means comfortable. It's an awesome feeling to go there now and just be able to slide right into one of those bad boys and relax..lol.

So, anyway....some feedback, please....would anyone be interested in knowing about that sort of thing, or is it just a little too much rambling about something completely boring for your taste? E-mail me, nortonsavage@yahoo.com and let me know. Thanks!!

June 24...
Let's see...what's been going on??? Thursday night, I went to the monthly support group meeting. By and large, these things have been a waste of time. I mean, it's really cool to see everyone and hear how they are doing, but the presentations they have been having have, quite frankly, sucked.

This time, Dr. Fallang talked about the various skin removal procedures they have to do after the bypass patients lose their weight, so it was actually pretty interesting. I wish I was at the stage where I was ready to have my surgery, but they like to wait at least 9-12 months after the bypass surgery, he said.

I was hoping to see Brenda there, so I could find out how she is doing since her surgery. I haven't seen or heard from her since the day she called me and told me she was married. She said we could still be friends, but apparently she meant fuck off and die, which is what 2 of my lady friends say a woman usually means when she says that..lol.

Oh well....she had told me I was her inspiration to have the operation, I just wanted to keep tabs on her and see that she was doing OK. I hope everything is going well for her, with the surgery and the marriage.

June 26...
Another Monday, another weigh-in, another 4 pounds lost, ho-hum...lol. That makes 132, for the record. I have lost a person. Now, I need to lose one more, and I will be OK..lol.

More ch-ch-ch-changes...whenever I used to go to the store or something, I would spend forever driving around the parking lot, looking for a spot close to the door. I would even use my mom's parking pass to park in a handicapped spot. I am not proud of it, but I couldn't walk 10 or 20 feet without getting out of breath.

Now...I still try to park close to the door sometimes. I think everyone is lazy to a certain extent. But, it doesn't matter so much anymore, and at least half the time I park as far away from the door as I can, just so I can get some extra walking in. I think that is a tremendous change for the better.

Random thought...a guy at the support group meeting (he's lost 75 pounds in 6 weeks!!) said his doctor was so incenesed that he had decided to have the surgery that the doctor dropped him as a patient!! What's the deal, do doctors WANT to keep their patients in ill health so they can milk more money from them or the insurance companies??

June 27...
Ch-ch-changes(turn and face the strange, indeed)...OK...this is going to really shock a lot of you. The last new pair of sweatpants that I bought before I had the surgery was a size 8X. Right at this very moment, I am wearing as shorts a pair of 3X ladies' sweats that I cut off... It is such a strange(but awesome) feeling to have clothes that are too big for me to wear..lol.

The 8X sweats I still wear for the time being...they are way baggy, but I don't have a lot of options. I don't want to(actually, I don't really have it to)spend a lot of money on clothing until this is all over with. I gave a couple shirts to my uncle Rick, though, because I just feel like I am swimming in them now..lol.

June 28...
Today is Alice's birthday. Happy Birthday, Mom!!!! I wasn't able to get her a present, but I got her a card last night, and left it out for her to find this morning. She laughed at the fact that it said, "I hope your 70th is a good one!"...I hope she is not secretly planning to kill me..lol.

Wiz, as far as my "new fashion style"...I really have no idea. I have never been much into clothes, I have always preferred to wear jeans and sweats, etc. I havea feeling that I will actually be wanting to run around naked as much as possible, so I may not buy ANY new clothes...lol.


June 30...
Well, it is 2 days after Alice's birthday (she says thanks for the greetings, Marsha, Maria and Karen!)
and I am still alive. There had been some question in my mind whether I would be or not, because of that 70th birthday crack I made to Alice (she is only 56..lol)

She knew I was only kidding, but I said, "Well, you feel like you're 70, right?" "Yeah..." "Well, there ya go!"..lol. I walked with Trish this morning. It was good to see her. We walked Wednesday night, but I had to cut it short, so this was the first good long walk I have had this week. I have been in a little bit of a funk this week, and it has been harder than usual to motivate myself to walk. Maybe I should try walking myself out of those funks (jee, you really think so, Marty??? DUH!! you fucking moron!!!..lol).

**musing on a cooler than expected summer day** How do you comfort someone who is mourning the loss of a loved one? I did the best I could...a needed hug. Throw out the standard cliches..."It'll be ok"...."It'll get easier, it just takes some time"..."Hang in there". I say, "You have my number if you need to talk. I don't know how much help I can be, but I will be happy to listen to you." So....I hope I
did some good. I think I did, but I just feel so useless when it comes to offering someone consolation.

July 2...
Happy July 2nd, everybody!!!! No, there is really nothing special about the 2nd of July. The 4th just
gets so much promotion that I feel sorry for the other days at the beginning of the month... There's really not much going on...I am just incredibly bored, so I thought I would share it all with you. I have things that I COULD be doing, like cutting the grass, but that just doesn't sound like any fun at all..lol.

I am SO not looking forward to getting on the scale tomorrow. I have barely done any walking this week. I walked a couple of times w/Trish, but my "new walking partner" stood me up every time we were supposed to get together. The bottom line is, it's my fault. I can't rely on someone else to motivate me to do something that I know I have to do, and SHOULD be doing for my own good.

So, take care all, I am going to go walk, or cut the grass, or both..lol. Oh, and keep your fingers crossed that my disability check that comes on the 3rd didn't get lost in the mail(yes, you can get disability just for being a fat bastard. Who knew?? I am hoping that I will not have to rely on it for much longer.) Alice's pension check is about 3 days late now, and the only reason we can figure is the change of address.

July 3...
Well, the big weigh-in....I didn't lose any last week, which I half-way expected. The good news is, I didn't gain any, either..lol. I still haven't heard anything from Brenda, but I did talk to her mother yesterday. She tells me that Brenda has lost 47 pounds. As of what day that is, I am not sure, but...WAY TO GO, BRENDA!!! I hope everything else is going as good as the weight loss. Keep up the good work :-) I don't really have much else to say right now...a very rare occurence for me, indeed..lol.

July 4...
Happy July 4th, everyone!! I am writing this a day early, because unless there is some kind of strange
alignment of the planets, I will not have any internet access on the 4th. I hope everyone has fun today, or had fun, depending on when you read this. I also hope you have or had a safe day, and that no one loses or lost any eyes or fingers or various other body parts..lol.

I may have mentioned that I haven't seen any fireworks for at least 10 years...at this point, I don't know yet if I will, or if I will just stay home and watch a movie(I rented American Pie, a nice, all-American title).

I went to the YMCA today to see about getting a membership...I thought since I don't walk as much as I should, I should be more well-rounded and have a chance to skip other kinds of workouts, too..lol. On a personal note, I DID get my check today, and mom got her pension check...all is right with the world. Have a great day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA!!!!! **re-reads what he has written** Hey, do you think I use "lol" too much?..lol. write me, nortonsavage@yahoo.com to voice your opinion.

July 8...
I had a bit of a scare regarding my older brother yesterday. He has had trouble with his heart for awhile, now, something called cardiomyopathy. Yesterday he wound up in the hospital with atrial fibrillation, some kind of irregular heartbeat thingy...I think the top half of the heart beats too fast, but I am not positive about that.

Anyway...they wanted to shock his heart to try to get it back to normal rhythm, but he was afraid to let them do that, so they tried some pills. Apparently, they worked, because he got to come home this morning.

July 11...
Hey all, sorry for not updating yesterday...my mind was in a fog most of the day. I lost 3 pounds last week, 135 all together. woo-hoo!!!!!

My apologies if this offends anyone. I am considering walking in another walk-a-thon on Oct 8. This one is for diabetes, and I sort of care about this cause, so I would like to raise some money for them. I would appreciate it if you would consider pledging some money for me to walk 6.5 miles. Thanks. If not, that's cool too.

July 19...
Sorry I have been out of the loop. My brother is still having some trouble. He was in the hospital again for a few days. He is out now, but just yesterday he had to go back to the dr. and his heart is still out of rhythm, so the dr. told him to double up on the medication. Hopefully, once he gets enough of the stuff in his system, it will do the job controlling his heart rhythm.

On a strictly personal note, I had an awesome(but exhausting) weekend... Saturday afternoon, I had to put the Sunday newspapers together, and then I went to a dance. I thought about not going and just getting some sleep, but what fun would that be?. I finished the papers at 6, took a shower, and headed towards Cincinnati, where I got my groove on until about 1 am. Then, I came back and helped deliver newspapers. Woo-hoo!!!

The dance was cool...some really nice ladies there. I did the "dorky white guy" to about 12-15 songs and they didn't laugh at me. I also got in a couple of slow dances and didn't step on any toes, so it was a great night..lol.

Sunday...words can't really describe, but I will try to keep it brief. The Atlanta Rhythm Section...a band maybe unknown to most of you, but they have long been one of my all-time favorite bands, and I really regretted not having had a chance to see them live. I
got that chance Sunday at a dinky little park festival in a suburb of Cincinnati. I felt kind of sorry for them, because there weren't a lot of people there.
But, it was great for me because I got to sit there about 20 feet from the stage and see them great and hear them greater :-)

I got to meet them too. Great guys as well as being fantastic musicians. Just to tell you how into this band I am...towrd the end of their set, some chicks got up and started dancing(a couple of them were pretty good looking, too), and I watched the band
instead of the girls...suprised the hell out of me..lol.

I lost FIVE POUNDS last week!!! Giving me a grand total of(drum roll......) 140 pounds lost..hot damn!!
Thanks for your support and encouragement :-)

July 21...
My brother has to go back to the doctor today. I hope he gets good news. He said he is feeling better, so presumably that is a good sign. I know one thing, running his paper route is severely cutting into my computer time. I know, what a selfish thing to say...so, the truth comes out and you all see what a self-centered bastard I really am..lol.

We had a support group meeting last night. I didn't go for a change. I am always curious to see how everyone is doing, but the main reason I would have gone is to see if Brenda was there. I hope everything works out for her, but she obviously doesn't care
about staying in touch with me, though, so....fuck it. You know?

July 26...
Well, I am not sure how I did it, given the amount of exercise I have had lately, but I lost 3 pounds last week, 143 all together. I have been delivering papers just about every night, and it takes me so long I have been too tired to do anything else. Bro did it last night, though, so I hope that means he is feeling better, and continues to feel better.

I walked with Trish this morning, first time I have seen her in a couple of weeks. First, she was busy, then last week I was doing the paper thing. I ended up walking 2.5 miles, though...I walked a mile while I was waiting for her, and she showed up just as I was getting ready to leave, so then I walked 1.5 miles with her. Which was cool...it's not like I don't need the exercise, you know? I'm just glad she got there before I left, I would have hated to miss her.

We need to get ready for the big 6.2 miles diabetes walk, anyway. Trish is going to walk with me, and my friend Gina may be doing it, too, if she makes it to town that weekend. I may be crawling by the end of it, but I am determined to walk the whole 10k.

July 27
I had to go help at the softball diamond last night. Now, ordinarily I don't mind doing it, but last night, I was a buffet for bugs. Not too pleasant. I've got a couple of almost raw places already from scratching some rash/poison ivy/chigger bite kind of deal I've had for about a week(I'm sure you all really wanted to know that..lol), and these little black flying things(gnats??)were making a feast out of me.
The job does have one upside, though...pardon me for a moment while I slip into my sexist pig/pervert outfit.. ...I get to see some girls with some SCRUMPTUOUS butts walking in and out of the place... have mercy!!! Sorry, but the butt is among my most very favorite parts of a woman..lol.

July 31
Hey everyone...I had a pretty good weekend, I hope all of you did, too. I had a visitor over the weekend, Mindy came down from Michigan and stayed Friday night and Saturday. I had a good time, and she says she did, too. Friday was her birthday, so I took her out to the only bar I know in our town that has live music, the Stony Ridge. (Gee, can you tell from the name that it's a country bar?) I danced more in the 2 hours we were there than I did the whole evening I went to the dance..lol.

Saturday night, we just listened to cd's at my house, and we ended up dancing some more **pats himself on the back for not steppin' on Mindy's toes during the slow dances..lol**...I think that's the reason I ended up losing 4 pounds last week...Of course, maybe the walk Friday night helped, too.

August 2
Wow....is it a different month already? Time seems to be flying this year. I was supposed to walk with Trish this morning, but she didn't show up. So, did I walk anyway, like I know I should have?? Fuck no. I have been having trouble motivating myself lately...and I have this little quirk, I always seem to take things like Trish not showing up as some sort of rejection.
I'm sure she has some valid reason for not being able to walk this morning(and Trish, if you're reading this, I know deep down that for some reason you just couldn't make it, and it has nothing to do with me. Actually, I am hoping everything is ok with you)...I am just telling you all this to show you just how fucked up I can be...no wonder I can't attract any women.....

August 4
Well...no word from Trish today, either. I hope everything is all right. I would love to call and find out, but ours is pretty much an online relationship, besides the actual walking part...

I had an interesting day yesterday, I got to meet another friend from online, Sodapop. (Hi, Soda!!!!)(I LOVED the blue nail polish..lol) She lives pretty far away, but she and a couple of her friends drove to Cincinnati to see the Stone Temple Pilots and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I like the Chilis, but I wouldn't drive across the street to see STP if someone GAVE me a ticket...well, ok, maybe if someone gave me the ticket I would...They had an extra ticket, as a matter of fact, and I briefly considered buying it just so I could hang out with her longer, but 50 bucks was a little out of my price range....

The day turned into more of an adventure than I would have liked...we met in a bar/restaurant somehwere in Cincy, and it took me about 45 minutes longer to find it than I thought it would...by the time I got there, we only had a short amount of time to hang out before they had to go. So, it was great to meet her, but just a little disappointing from that standpoint. Her friends seemed pretty cool, too. Tonight will be fun, I hope...I am going to another dance. Wish me luck.

August 5
Hey there...well, the dance was OK. I had a pretty good time there, but, as usual, I managed to find a way to bring myself down. There was one lady in our group that I found very attractive, and I danced with her some, but....for her it seemed to be more like just passing the time until something/someone better came along. Oh well, life goes on, I reckon.

This morning I worked out at the Y for the first time. I just rode an exercise bike and walked on the treadmill for awhile, but I also signed up to have someone set up an exercise program for me. It should be a good thing for me, in a couple of ways....just the exercise will be good, and it will also be good for me to get away from the computer. Not that I don't love you all(at least those of you that I feel actually give a shit..lol), but I DO need to start trying to find a life somewhere. Have a great weekend, everyone!!!

August 14...
Well, the dreaded weigh in day....I was not looking forward to it at all...eating more than I should, not walking enough....I still managed to lose 1 pound, though, for a total of 150. I will gladly take that.

I am curious about something, maybe you women can help me out(all 2 or 3 of you that read this, anyway).
Do women like to cuddle, or not?(Gina, I already have your answer..lol). From reading personal ads, I assumed this was a big thing for women, which is fine, because I enjoy it, too(a lot!!..lol).

I went to a lady's house to watch a couple of movies, and yes, I expected that we would sit together on the couch, and eventually get a little cuddle thing going.(I know, I know...my first mistake was having expectations..). Well, she sat in the chair for both movies, then started talking about how tired she was. Luckily, I was not too stupid to realize this was my cue to leave, or it could have been REALLY awkward..lol.

She then asked me to take her trash out for her on my way out. Now, I didn't mind doing it, that isn't the point. I did kind of feel a little foolish, though, for being so way off base as to what I thought the evening might be, and what it turned out to be. So, I am left to wonder...is cuddling not as big a thing as I thought it was, or is there just something wrong with me?(You people that know me well know that I am going to naturally assume there is something wrong with me.) Anyway...any insight would be greatly appreciated..lol. Thanks. Have a great week, everybody.

August 21...
I haven't written in awhile. There hasn't been a whole lot going on lately. But, I did have a fairly awesome weekend, so let's talk about that..

Gina....I have known her for about 2 years now. We started out as e-mail pen-pals. I actually wrote to about 6 or 7 ladies the same time as Gina, but the other ones pretty soon resorted to just forwarding me jokes every couple of days...I get all the jokes I
need, thank you very much...Gina actually wrote letters to me, told me what was going on in her life, and I did the same, which I thought was the whole point of pen-pals in the first place. We eventually started chatting some, and then talking on the phone, and now we usually talk at least a couple of times a week, but we had never met in person. Until this past weekend, that is..lol.

Omitting some of the details of the planning of the trip, we were going to meet in Indianapolis, and then it changed to Chicago. That didn't work out very well, either, so I decided to just drive to Milwaukee(I didn't tell Alice, though...she was freaked out enough that I was driving 6 hours to Chicago..lol).

I hit the highway about 4 a.m Saturday, and went screaming through Indiana, hitting 85-90 mph most of the way. Through Illinois, the Chicago area(maybe O'Hare Airport picked me up as a very low-flying aircraft..lol). It was very exciting for me, to be doing something spontaneous like this.

Before I had the surgery, I would have only wished I could take this sort of a trip, I never would have actually done it. I won't go into every detail of what we did(I know, I can hear you all saying, "Thank God!!" Or Buddha, or Allah..specify your deity of choice..lol). We DID go bowling, though, and she kicked my ass severely 3 games in a row...but I made up for it(almost)by beating her at Scrabble and cards..lol.

Of course, you know me...in the midst of all that excitement, I had to settle into a bit of a melancholy mood for awhile...I think what triggered it was the bowling, slapping hands with Gina as she was bowling strike after strike, the way I used to do with Brenda. It got me thinking about how I also used to hug and kiss Brenda for good luck, and that just wasn't an option here....but I couldn't help wishing that I had someone that wanted to hug and kiss me. I am sorry, GB, if I was too much of a drag then.

Gina really knocked herself out to try and show me her city(which I thought was really cool, BTW), and to
see that I had a good time. Things didn't always seem to work out like she planned(not that we really had a plan for this spur of the moment jaunt..lol), but hey, in the end, the important thing for me was that I got to meet her. I had a great(but exhausting, when you include the drive...)time, and I was sorry to see it end.

Thanks, Gina!!! And I even lost 6 pounds for the week, so... maybe I should drive to Milwaukee every weekend(or at least drive SOMEWHERE...I am sure Gina would get tired of me pretty quickly..lol).
P.S. That's 156 pounds total, if you're scoring along at home..lol. Have a great week!!!

August 24...
Wiz's comment about not having her Daddy much longer got me thinking.....When my dad died, he was in the hospital for a week. He had been in so many times before, I just figured this was another one of those times, and he would be coming home soon. I never made the time that whole week to go see him, until they called us out there the last day.

The last words I ever heard my dad say were, "I'm not giving up," as he struggled to breathe through lungs filled up with his own fluids and a heart that wasn't working anywhere near the way it should. Soon after, he was gone. I hated myself so much, for so long, for not making the time for him...I sometimes think I was secretly trying to kill myself by gaining all that weight.

Well, I'm not dead yet...but reading over what I have just written, it dawns on me that I must not have learned my lesson very well, because I still don't let people know how I feel about them, and I am still a very self-centered bastard a lot of the time. However,
they say admitting you have a problem is the first step, so maybe there is hope for me.

Please keep the Wiz and Mr. Jimmy(and Duke)in your thoughts and prayers. Also, have a good thought that I can become the kind of person I would like to be.
Thanks.

August 28...
Friday night, I went to the B.B. King Blues Festival with my brother and his friend Andy. I was thrilled that my ass actually fit in the seat(next big battle, going to a Reds game..lol)...I still spilled over at the top, though(sorry, Andy)..it was a good thing we had an extra ticket, so I was only scrunched on one side..lol.

As for the music, we saw Susan Tedeschi and Buddy Guy as well as B.B. I had heard some really good things about Susan Tedeschi, but I saw her on Austin City Limits and wasn't terribly impressed. She was pretty decent in Cincy, though...she played 4 or 5 songs that kicked pretty serious ass. (Arse, if you're English..lol).

Buddy Guy was next, and he tore the roof off the dump. He looked just like Jimi Hendrix, except he plays guitar right-handed. I wasn't familiar with the songs of his own that he played, but he did do some covers of songs I knew..."Got My Mojo Workin'" and "I Just Wanna Make Love To You"

B.B. was pretty good, too, but kind of a let down after the showmanship of Buddy Guy. I mean, damn, he's 74, I guess he has earned the right to sit in a chair on stage, but...it didn't make for much to look at...maybe I prefer style over substance..lol.

Saturday, I hung out and talked to Teresa for awhile. I met her a few weeks ago and we walked together. She's a very nice lady, and she's a school teacher, so she is smart, too. I look forward to playing Scrabble with her, it could be quite a challenge. I would like to take a moment here to add that all of the women I have met so far have been very pretty ladies, in my opinion(which, admittedly, may not count to anyone but me..lol).

OK, OK...I have been avoiding this. I gained 5 pounds last week :-( I haven't been able to walk...I have been having pains in my left arm, and even though neither I nor the physician's assistant think it is anything to be worried about, he said I should not over exert myself until I can see the heart doctor Wednesday.

With the history of heart trouble in my family, I tend to agree with him. I am actually not as distressed by the weight gain as I thought I would be...and I am not sure if that is a good thing, or not.

August 29...
I had a bit of a scare last night....I have been having pains in my left arm for awhile, now.(They started the night before I went to Milwaukee, but I wasn't going to let anything but death stop me from making that trip..lol)

I went to see my doctor(actually, her assistant, because she was out of town)and he checked me out, did an EKG. He said the EKG looked great, but told me to see the heart doctor to be on the safe side, and they made me an appointment. One of the questions he asked, though, was if my jaw was hurting, too, to which the answer was, "No," at the time.

Last night, my jaw started hurting a little, too. So, his question, combined with the history of heart trouble in the family sort of combined to freak me out a little, and I went to the emergency room. To make a long story sh...well, a little less long, they said it wasn't my heart, it's probably some sort of muscle strain. If it is a strain, it must be from
doing the paper route, it's my throwing arm..lol. Just to be cautious, I think I will keep the appointment with the heart doctor tomorrow.

I forgot to mention last week, I jammed with my buddy Dave and a drummer friend of his(what up, Earl?). It was a lot of fun...I have been wanting to do it for awhile, but have been putting it off(too damn lazy, mainly). I also played bass for a church service this
past Sunday...I saw the music for the first time around 9:30 AM, and the service was at 10:30. Not as much prep time as I would have liked, but my part went OK, mostly through the use of my KISS method of playing.(Keep It Simple, Stupid..lol)

September 7...
Hmmmm.....not a whole lot going on, as you can see by all the entries..lol. I hope everyone had a good Labor Day weekend. We had a cookout on Saturday, and got to see some relatives we had not seen for quite awhile(Hi Wayne, Debbie and Tiffany!!) Wayne especially seemed to be very happy with my progress...it would have been nice to see my long-lost uncle Steve, too, but he had to work.

I met a cool new lady to walk with(Hi Sandi!). She brought her niece with her the first couple times we met, which I have no problem with. I know the net is a place full of weirdos, so I understand the need to be cautious. I generally don't worry too much about
anything going on when I go to meet these ladies...in fact, I hope one of them WILL attack me and have their way with me..lmao.

Oh yeah, Monday weigh-in, blah, blah, blah...I lost 8 pounds for the week, 159 altogether. Yippee for me!! Gotta go, people. Keep walking, keep smiling, and have a great week...or, as the inmmortal Casey Kasem would say, "Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars!"..lol

September 8...
Well, I set off on my next(and probably last, for awhile)big adventure today. I am going to spend the weekend travelling...to Indiana tonight to see Rik Emmett. Most of you probably don't know who he is, but he is a fantastic guitarist(formerly of a band called Triumph), and I get to meet him, too!!!

After the show, I am driving to Michigan to see Mindy. I will spend the night there, and then all day Saturday and the next night. Then, if everything goes according to plans, I will be spending Sunday in Chi-Town...the Windy City...hmmm, there are probably other nicknames for Chicago, but I can't think of them right now. How about, "The Town That Mrs. O'Leary's Cow Nearly Destroyed Single-hoofedly"??. Have a great weekend everyone...full report in a few days!!!

September 16...
Hey everybody....haven't written in a while, sorry. No special reason, just being a slacker..lol. My big adventure last weeknd turned out to be not quite so big, but it still had some high points...I will hit them for you...

The first one was actually the rental of the car...I had to ask my brother to put it on his credit card, and I would pay him back...157 bucks. As we were leaving the rental place, he asked me how much weight I had lost. "159 pounds as of last Monday, why?" He said, "I don't know if you remember, but a long time ago I offered to give you a dollar for every pound you lost. So, we(him and his wife, Lara)are going to pay for the car for you." He also gave me a little bit of money to spend...I almost started to cry, until he told me not to get all mushy on him. I at least had to give them both a hug, though...very unusual for me to hug a guy, even if he IS my brother..lol.

Friday, I hit the road, and I was making tracks...a bright red 2000 Chevy Cavalier. By far the nicest, sportiest car I have ever driven. The only bad thing about it was it didn't have a tape player, so I was stuck with the radio. It was awfully hard to find some good rock and roll as I was ripping through Indiana..lol.

My first stop was Ft. Wayne, to see a performance by one of my all time favorite guitarists, Rik Emmett. He used to be in a band called Triumph, they had a fair amount of radio play in the late 70's/early 80's. I won't go into too much detail about the performance, 'cept to say it was fantastic...great singing, great playing, and he told some funny stories, too.
I sat at a table with a guy named Tim from Ft. Wayne. I had fun talking to him about the band he's in. After the show, we got to meet Rik since we had forked over the extra 20 bucks for the VIP tickets. I got Rik's autograph(again...I got an autograph from him about 10 years ago)and one for my mom and my bro, and for my buddy that lives in Saudi Arabia, and then Tim took a picture of me standing next to Rik. I hope to get it in the mail very soon....a great night. Thanks, Tim...and thank you, Rik!! I have to go, but I will continue this soon....I know you are all waiting with bait on your breath...lol.

September 19...
Well, I was going to continue the story of my travels, but I have something else on my mind today... I had to go to the doctor today and get the results of the stress test I had last week...now I am stressing about the results..lol. Well, not now, but I was....

He said there weren't any apparent blockages, which is a good thing...but, my heart doesn't pump as well at it should, which is not so good, and which means more tests for Marty. I have to have an echocardiogram Monday, and an angiogram the Friday after that.
I didn't think it was any big deal until I went to the desk for scheduling, and I heard the nurses throwing around terms like "congestive heart failure" and "cardiomyopathy", which is what killed my dad and my uncle.

My brother has lived with cardiomypathy for about the last 5 years or so, though, so, even if I have it, I have to just do what I can to be as healthy as a I can, and not worry about it.


September 21...
Maria....so glad to hear that you've been out and about w/Mr. Jimmy. Sure, those were ordinary everyday tasks, but sometimes there is great pleasure to be had in the small things in life. I have been watching my mailbox, and yesterday I thought I had received the gift of which you spoke(btw, I don't like gummies..lol) It turned out to be a pic of me and one of my heroes, the amazing guitarist Rik Emmett. Big thanks to Tim for taking the pic and mailing it to me. I am somewhere around 160 pounds down in this pic. Have a great day, everyone!!!!

September 27...
I had a pretty good weekend last week. I got to see my old high-school buddy, Tim. Not Tim from Ft. Wayne. It was really fun re-living some of the old times, we were a couple of wild and crazy guys in high school..lol.

There was the time we(me, Tim, and our other buddy, Ron)went egging with 18 dozen eggs...we were all too chicken-shit to throw any until we got outside of town, though...let me tell you, the stop signs in the country-side around Middletown took a beating that night..lol.

There was our prom...me and Tim shared his date(nothing kinky, unfortunately..lol). I danced one dance with her, which I think is the only time I ever danced with a woman until I started my social butterfly phase last year(unless you count my sisters-in-law at their wedding receptions). OK...maybe we weren't so wild and crazy...it was still
good to see him..lol.

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